一抹地中海的深蓝

     Have been to Lijiang for one more week, a beautiful place absolutely. If you have plenty of time, you can stay there as long as you can, you will feel easy, relax, comfortable, for sure. People from different places, different countries all like this wonderful place, you could enjoy the fun about life which you never could feel in cement cities. I don't like go anywhere in hurry, i am a lazy man, so i prefer staying hostel rather than going out. In ten days' holidays, i just had been to the Tiger Leaping Canyon(maybe not right) for one day, and just staying in the old town the other days. In the old town, you can have a good sleep with the fresh air, then have a cup of tea at the bank of the stream, when the sun set, you can choose one bar to relax yourself or chat with your friends about everything.

      I have got a lot of things from this journey, what can not be expressed clearly now maybe benefit my whole life.

      When i back home, i heard something bad. Recent years lots of lives I knew or was familiar with have passed away. Without wishing everyone alive cherish what they own now, what others can we do. In front of the lives, everything is so tiny. Cherish your family, your job, your friends and your lover.

      Tears, Pains, Fears.

      I don't know how can it develop like this, but I really did not hope so. Bad feelings made me loss some part of speaking capabilities, made my brain stop thinking. Stop here, change the emotion now.

      I can expect the match which will be held in Rome tomorrow, must be a classical final of historic significance. The great teams, Red Devil with barca. Outstanding players, Cristiano Ronaldo, Wayne Rooney, Carlos Tevez, Lionel Messi, Henry, Eto'o, Xavi...... and we can also expect fantastic goals by those super stars. In the capital of Italy ,we are waiting the last winner of the champions league 2009.

     极力避免出现这样的状况，结果还是出现了。

     怎么说？好像也没什么可说的，个人有个人的道理，你可以不接受，但不能不允许别人表达。很讨厌这样，要就别出现，要就早点出现。我是一个疑心很重的人，但对于自己认定的人却又深信不疑，毫无防备之心。人与人之间的猜忌在复杂的社会中不可缺少，但总会有些人应该出现在你的排除名单里，这样才是一个有血有肉有思想的人。

     我喜欢在力所能及的范围内把事情安排的仅仅有条，一步接着一步。当走到某一步时，你说不行，ok，we stop，nothing。但是不要肯定之后到后来再否定，要否定就早否定，很多努力都白费。

     语无伦次了，烦，睡觉。

      一个月过的很快，又很慢。终于又有了新的方向，自己选择的方向。先不论好坏，好坏还难有评说，但终究是自己的选择。标准低了，现实了，低头了，这该叫成功还是失败？或许我该对自己说“条条大路通罗马”，未来的路还很长。无论如何，我坚持了下来，自己要对自己负责。一路走来，走的很累，很疲倦，尤其精神上的压抑。个中心酸又有几人理解，不过今后一段激励自己的材料罢了。心中又有了久违的憧憬，生活似乎又有了颜色。每个人都有属于自己的足迹。努力，努力，再努力一些就好。

      我记得自己是个无神论者，但却不否认运气的重要程度。今年，我明显感觉运势逐渐转好。财运不错，有朋友相助；更有意想不到的老同学关键时候的出现，铭刻于心，感激不尽。  也是，火箭都过第一轮了，为啥我就总那么倒霉，该转转运了。

     you devote your heart to someone ,but she hurt you; someone treats you very well, but you often hurt her.

     It's difficult to find a person to understand you totally, we are always on road to find the Mr or Miss Right. If you succeed, you are the lucky guy. If not, don't give up, maybe someone unexpected is waiting for you in some corner.  The view on the way is really a fortune for us. In your life, you can have many friends, though maybe some are not by a different standard. What you need to do is just to cherish the real ones who care you, who understand you, and then do some things for them.

      It's April now,  April Fools' Day. For me, it's really a important period from now on. No matter how the ending comes, pay more patience, endure for more times, stick to the faith you always hold, then actually you are a successer.

     今年这年过的好像特别慢，这家那家的跑，现在终于差不多没事了。

     祥和热闹的团聚开心，亲人的离去令人嗟叹。虽然早有心理准备，但面对那人生的最后时刻，那悲伤的氛围，虽然我之前一直觉得自己会比其他人坚强，但眼泪还是几次忍不住的在眼眶里打转。不知所措的被叫去不停的收钱，不停的写“XXX敬”，写的很丑，而且很多字写出来怎么都觉得不像，总想着用手指一敲字就蹦出。熬了两个通宵，不累。我真觉得自己如果有特长的话，那就是熬夜了。第一次去殡仪馆，很多人流泪，很煽情。公墓庄严肃穆。

      舅舅说找个车给我练练手，好久没碰了还有点忌惮。情人节两个弟弟扭着要吃西餐，三个人夹杂在一堆堆情侣中间，很奇怪的感觉，但别有乐趣。

      今晚欧冠有重头戏，老爵爷再迎魔力鸟。记得以前每次blog似乎都在写足球，而且好像每天都有写的，激情燃烧的岁月。2月18日，巴乔的生日，以前好像每年这一天也总要写点什么。现在都不写了，懒惰了。真不知道还有多少东西值得去坚持，心中的信念还能支撑多久。 

      刚刚到家。回了一趟中学，呆的时间比坐车的时间还要短，觉得还有好多话想说，憋着的心里话想找人说说，不过时间太短，场合好像也不适合。不过还是很高兴，感情。我这人怪，别人都喜欢同学会人多热闹，可我觉得没什么意思，我更喜欢今天这样人很少，却都是能说话的人。坐车回来是例行的小学好友的年会，听雷说了很多，也跟他说了好多，不过有些他不了解的还是没法说。庆幸开心的是，他说跟我的感觉还和以前一样，这是我所追求，the feeling what i persue. 都说物质财富与精神财富并举，但物质财富易得，精神财富难求，千金易得，知己难求。也许我以前的意识还不强烈，现在我觉得朋友第一，感情第一，没有这些，那人不过行尸走肉罢了。

     今晚我意识到自己也邪恶了，但却无法摆脱邪念；缺乏动力无欲无求，却又找不到动力之源。在不同的朋友，违背的思想，迥异的轨迹中越发找不到自己的位置 。向东？向西？摇摆。夜间烧烤，我说，我愿意去一所小学当一个足球教练，如果他们要我。但是这个不能挣钱，这个也养活不了我，更谈不上养家糊口，或更高的目标。所以在现阶段，这种乐趣只能搁置一旁，现实如此。

      那天看天下足球，放尤文队歌。歌词写道：现在是星期天上午，天气可无关紧要  ； 无论是出太阳还是下雨，我们全都会去那里 ；一个朋友打电话给我，关于准备旗帜的事，当然全部都是黑白相间的！高速公路的每一处，穿越靴形半岛  ；每一公里都是汽车、大轿车和电车 ；一个孩子，挽着父亲，和大家一起唱   尤文，尤文，尤文图斯兰地亚  。我也说不清楚写这段是想说明什么，我并不很喜欢尤文，也许只是想说明一种感觉，但我却真的说不清楚。我很向往，不因他是尤文，just a feeling, 也许很少有人能有同感，who knows?!

     压抑，邪恶，憧憬，一切都是感觉，何去何从？但我从不悲观。